What's my role as the parent of an athlete?

Sometimes, knowing your role as a parent when it comes to your child's sports team is tricky. Do I push her, or am I pushing too hard? Am I teaching her discipline, or am I forcing her to do something she just isn't that interested in? There are a lot of questions.
At Monday night's parent meeting we had Licensed Professional Counselor (and mom of a 12-year-old in our club) LeAnn Sorrels speak to the parent's in attendance about their role. LeAnn, who has 23 years of experience in her field, now has a few years under her belt as the mom of a club volleyball athlete. Between that and her job, she's learned a few things that she shared with the group.
Her acronym: SUPPORT.


S- self-confidence
U- understanding
P- positive visualization
P- parental role
O- optimism
R- respect
T- team

Licensed Family Counselor and mom of an Amarillo Juniors
athlete LeAnn Sorrels talks at Monday's 12s parent meeting.
LeAnn shared what she has learned in her experience as
a parent of an athlete combined with her 23 years of
counseling practice.

Self-confidence is something that every person, at some point in time, has struggled with. On and off the court, learning how to have and maintain confidence is essential to success on all levels. As a parent (trust us, we've all been there!) we know how easy it is to get absolutely absorbed in the game. You feel what your child feels. You yearn to see your child succeed. Overall, though, according to LeAnn, your best bet as a parent is to be your child's biggest cheerleader. Which leads to the "U" - understanding. Be encouraging and help instill self-confidence in them by providing encouraging words before AND after their games, at home, away from home, at school... positive reinforcement, LeAnn says, really is key. After all, most players are hard enough on themselves already!

Positive visualization is something you will hear most life-coach professionals talk about. It's important to see yourself succeeding at whatever you're doing, and that stands true on the volleyball court. Always encourage your child to focus on how they want to perform a task, not on how they didn't perform it well the first time. Help them to imagine where it is they want to be and then guide them in taking steps toward those goals. Coaches call this "next ball mentality" - which is essentially a player's ability to move on from the last play and focus on the play at hand. "Not commenting on what your child is doing well is creating a cognitive path to focus on mistakes not accomplishments," LeAnn said, "instead of a cognitive path to 'I will get this; it will come as I practice and visualize!'"

And next comes parental role. Ahhh parental role. What a fine line walked, eh? According to LeAnn, some of the biggest mistakes a parent can make are:
1. Pushing too hard.
"This stifles the fun of learning and creates a path for them to start beating themselves up if they make mistakes," LeAnn said. "Be sure this is your child's dream, not just yours."
2. Yelling/coaching during the game or between games.
Essentially there are too many chiefs! Your child's eagerness to please both you and her coach can take its toll. Also, she may be getting conflicting messages between you and her coaches, LeAnn said.

How about this one (the glass is half-full!)... optimism! What an important life-tool. Again, this goes back to positive reinforcement. Teach your child to always be optimistic about what she can achieve, and she will likely get there! (Insert parental lesson here: We can all benefit from this! If we talk positively and optimistically to ourselves instead of negatively we are far more likely to succeed.)

Also, be sure that you are respecting the leadership of your child's coach. For any parent out there who has ever coached a sport, you can attest to the fact that it's not easy! LeAnn has learned that you have to trust and respect your coaches' decisions, she said. It's not always easy to understand why your daughter may have a certain role on her team, but it's important to remember that a coach has a reason for everything. Respect the coaches' knowledge of the game and, if necessary, schedule a time to talk more extensively (and calmy) about why certain decisions have been made.

And lastly, team. Every team-sport athlete has to have a "WE is greater than ME" mentality. The bottom line is, all decisions that are made have to best benefit the team, not just the individual. In club sports, parents, too, are members of the team. Obviously, you parents out there play an essential role in helping the coach guide your athlete to success. If you all work toward the same goal together and "play" for one another, not against one another, the season will be successful AND it will be FUN!

Thanks, LeAnn, for sharing your insights with us!

- Amarillo Juniors

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