You hear the stories every day, maybe you've even experienced it for yourself... the irate fan who comes out of the stands at the referee or the angry dad who gets into a fist fight with another parent during a game.
Over the last few years, it seems, these types of stories have been more widespread, expanding across the country. So that leaves us with one very important question...
Has sportsmanship become a lost art form?
We recently happened across a very interesting column (that we posted on
our Facebook page as well) written by columnist Patrick Hite on
the newsleader.com website addressing a scary aspect of this very issue;
coaches resigning their posts because the unruliness of fans; namely, parents. Read it
HERE.
While we read through this we found ourselves nodding our heads in agreement, and recognizing certain stories from right in our own backyard. We know what additional obstacles this problem presents... unruly athletes, young male and female athletes with a lack of discipline, and promotion of the "entitlement generation," to name a few... but how do we combat it?
Coming at the problem head on
Sticking our heads in the sand and pretending like something isn't happening has never solved a problem. If you're saying to yourself right now, "Well, I'm not that (athlete) (parent) (sports fan)," we applaud you. However, we're sure you know of one (or two, or three...) that
are. Here's a question for those of us who aren't actively expanding the problem... are we actively
combating it? It's no secret that parental roles are vital to the success of a team. We have seen teams come apart at the seams because of unhappy parents, and on the other hand have seen teams win national championships at the encouragement and support of them. When your athlete says to you, "My coach plays favorites. That's why I'm only playing front row now," what is your response? Athletes are typically a direct reflection of their home environment and what they are hearing from their individual fans (often, their parents). Is your athlete surrounded by a positive, encouraging, hard-work supporting, "you can do anything you put your mind to"-promoting environment? Or rather, is the environment filled with, "Oh you poor thing, you are mistreated by your coach and other players, you deserve that spot so much more than little Suzy, little Johnny made 14 mistakes and you would've made less than that if given the chance so you deserve the position more than him" mindsets?
We know, this is getting deep.
Like the column said, it is very rare that any coach is ever out to be vindictive against your child. No. Rather, most coaches coach for the sake of the children. It's a low-paying, often thankless job, for those of you who were unaware. Mostly, it is done for the kids. It is done for a love of the game. It is done to educate, encourage, and mold young athletes into responsible, disciplined leaders who take life head-on and do their part to make their environment a better place.
Your words and their impact
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Now, isn't that just the farthest thing from the truth you've ever heard? Words DO hurt. Words DO have an enormous impact on our athletes. What an important thing for coaches to remember. Coaches walk a fine line between speaking life into their athletes and holding them to a standard of excellence. Great coaches accomplish this feat. But once the athlete leaves the court, field, etc... is it continued on? For athletes out there, how does what you say impact your teammates? For parents, how does what you say impact your children? (Check out the "
10 Commandments for Parents" of athletes
HERE). Remember, your attitude towards your athlete's coach, other parents from the team, other players on the team, the referees, or the competition will be directly reflected in your child.
What is considered "unsportsmanlike"?
Yes, this is pretty much a "don't" list, but it's important. We all know how easy it is to become so emotionally invested that we get carried away (this is true for athletes, coaches, and parents/fans). So here are some things to be aware of that do nothing other than reflect poorly on you/your athlete/your team/your sports organization and cause ill-will.
1. Shouting rudely or obnoxiously (on the court or from the stands) at athletes, coaches, or referees.
2. Ripping your athlete from the stands during the middle of play for making a mistake.
3. Yanking your child directly following play because you disagreed with the coaches decision, or pulling your athlete from other responsibilities she/he may have had such as reffing duties because you are unhappy.
4. Approaching your coach (in an aggressive manner or otherwise) following play without setting up a time to have this meeting with a concern or issue you may have.
5. Commenting on the competition - their "rudeness" or what such-and-such player did or said etc. Remember, you can't control what other people do, but you can control your response to it.
Here's your sign...
If you ever find yourself opening with a statement like, "I'm really not the kind of parent who complains, BUT..." or "I respect your decisions as a coach, BUT..." or "I'm not the type of person ________, BUT..." catch yourself! After all, when you open with a statement that essentially contradicts itself, you need to reevaluate your purpose in the discussion.
Cut to the chase
Whenever you do find yourself in a situation where you, as an athlete or parent, need to have a meeting with the coach, remember to approach it in a very understanding and humble manner. A coach ALWAYS has a reason for every decision that is made, and specifically in the sport of volleyball, the variables that could have impacted said decision are essentially endless. Often you will find that a decision was made for a particular reason that you were completely unaware of. Ask the coach what you could do to make certain situations better. Expect honesty, and then accept it. Once the issue is addressed, leave it. Do not go "stir the pot" by whining in the ear of a teammate or other parent to get more people "on your side" in the matter. This is counterproductive for your athlete no matter the situation.
Nip it in the bud
So we end with a problem still on our hands. Alas, sometimes that's just life. Our charge to you is this...
What can you do to become a part of the solution?
If you hear a teammate or other parent/fan complaining, yelling, or otherwise distributing any of the aforementioned signs of unsportsmanlike conduct, respectively pull them to the side. There you can remind them or bring to their attention what it is they were doing and how that not only poorly reflects on them, but on the entire team or sports organization. Oftentimes you can be the voice of reason and cool someone's jets before things boil over.
Remember, the best thing you can ever say to your athlete is, "I so enjoy watching you play. I'm so proud of you!"
We love this game, and want the best for all of our athletes. We promote positive lessons learned on the court that will carry on into adulthood. Remember, it takes a village, and no team has ever had a winning season where division, anger, and selfishness were the frontrunners. Parents, you are the foundation of your athletes and their success on and off the court. Join with coaches in teaching hard work, discipline, focus, determination, flexibility, teamwork, resilience, humility and leadership on the court and off.
Every season, like every situation, is what you make of it. It can work for you or against you, but the choice is yours.
Happy playing!
-
Amarillo Juniors
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