It's no secret that being the parent of an athlete is no easy task. What do I say and when do I say it? Do I instruct or just encourage? How hard do I push and when do I pull back?
Like we said, not easy.
So today we would like to offer YOU, parents, some encouragement. It's not easy, but your roll is the most pivotal in your child's sports career (yes, your role is even more important than the coach!).
Words of Wisdom
As a parent, your words can be the life breath of your child. They portray to your athlete what is in your heart, so we encourage you to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Ultimately, there's no black or white answer regarding when to say what, but like this article says, the words, "I love watching you play" can be the best five words that ever float from your mouth to your child's ears. It establishes the difference between "parent" and "coach." It reassures your child that you are their parent, their support, and their biggest fan.
That same article also references the fact that many athletes who were surveyed said they most enjoyed when their grandparents watched them play. Why is this? Well, typically grandparents are far less invested in the child's performance in athletics. They don't mind if they have a bad game or don't get as much playing time as others, because they are simply there to enjoy watching their grandchild play. Take in every opportunity to just enjoy watching your athlete. As so many parents can attest to, the time flies by. Avoid creating cringe-worthy memories and focus on making memories you'll enjoy journeying back to in the years to come.
A Touch of Tough
What happens, though, when we hit the other end of the spectrum? Instead of parents encouraging their children or pushing their children to learn discipline and other aspects of athletics, a blame shift takes place. Child isn't getting enough playing time? Well by-golly, that coach just doesn't have a clue what they're doing! Another athlete assumes the role your athlete previously had? Are you kidding me? Little Suzy makes an average of 17 mistakes a game! She doesn't deserve that position!
WARNING: Do not fall into those common traps! These traps are 1) upset about playing time 2) blame shifting or 3) discussing other children and their abilities compared to the abilities of your own child... all in front of or even to your child. In this situation, we advise implementing what we call "a touch of tough." Encourage your athlete to focus on her/his role on the team and to apply what the coach instructs. A little toughness can typically go a long way. Remember, your child's feeling are important, but we all know that feelings can be fickle and misleading! Do your best to guide your athlete to make responsible, reasonable conclusions. This will invite them to open up to you in the future as well. It's OK to have a touch of tough when needed. We believe this also equips and prepares your athlete for adversity in arenas both in and out of sports.
A quick note to athletes... it is OK to respectfully discuss with your parents what things you best respond to. If you respond best to a period of silence after a tough loss, let them know this. We think it's safe to say that 100% of the time they have your best interest in mind when they do things like rehash the play-by-play of the match, which ultimately is reliving the pain of the loss for you. Kindly and respectfully let them know how hard this is on you. Or, if you are the type of athlete who would like to discuss things, let them know that to. Make the first move and open up. Transparency and honestly will benefit both you and your parents!
According to this study, an amazing 75% of children quit sports by the age of 13 largely due to the overbearing weight their parents place on them to perform. (Note: Be careful about this! You can do it without realizing it, simply with the words or tone that you use.) Overall, your role as parent greatly affects your child's successes and failures. When they know you've got their back, they'll trust you with their hardships. This goes beyond just the court or the field.
No matter how tempted you may be to comment on certain plays that happened during the match, how your child performed, or decisions made by the coach, until you are invited by your athlete to discuss those topics stick to the five magic words... "I love watching you play."
- Amarillo Juniors
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Thursday, February 23, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Sportsmanship; A lost art form?
You hear the stories every day, maybe you've even experienced it for yourself... the irate fan who comes out of the stands at the referee or the angry dad who gets into a fist fight with another parent during a game.
Over the last few years, it seems, these types of stories have been more widespread, expanding across the country. So that leaves us with one very important question...
Has sportsmanship become a lost art form?
We recently happened across a very interesting column (that we posted on our Facebook page as well) written by columnist Patrick Hite on the newsleader.com website addressing a scary aspect of this very issue; coaches resigning their posts because the unruliness of fans; namely, parents. Read it HERE.
While we read through this we found ourselves nodding our heads in agreement, and recognizing certain stories from right in our own backyard. We know what additional obstacles this problem presents... unruly athletes, young male and female athletes with a lack of discipline, and promotion of the "entitlement generation," to name a few... but how do we combat it?
Coming at the problem head on
Sticking our heads in the sand and pretending like something isn't happening has never solved a problem. If you're saying to yourself right now, "Well, I'm not that (athlete) (parent) (sports fan)," we applaud you. However, we're sure you know of one (or two, or three...) that are. Here's a question for those of us who aren't actively expanding the problem... are we actively combating it? It's no secret that parental roles are vital to the success of a team. We have seen teams come apart at the seams because of unhappy parents, and on the other hand have seen teams win national championships at the encouragement and support of them. When your athlete says to you, "My coach plays favorites. That's why I'm only playing front row now," what is your response? Athletes are typically a direct reflection of their home environment and what they are hearing from their individual fans (often, their parents). Is your athlete surrounded by a positive, encouraging, hard-work supporting, "you can do anything you put your mind to"-promoting environment? Or rather, is the environment filled with, "Oh you poor thing, you are mistreated by your coach and other players, you deserve that spot so much more than little Suzy, little Johnny made 14 mistakes and you would've made less than that if given the chance so you deserve the position more than him" mindsets?
We know, this is getting deep.
Like the column said, it is very rare that any coach is ever out to be vindictive against your child. No. Rather, most coaches coach for the sake of the children. It's a low-paying, often thankless job, for those of you who were unaware. Mostly, it is done for the kids. It is done for a love of the game. It is done to educate, encourage, and mold young athletes into responsible, disciplined leaders who take life head-on and do their part to make their environment a better place.
Your words and their impact
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Now, isn't that just the farthest thing from the truth you've ever heard? Words DO hurt. Words DO have an enormous impact on our athletes. What an important thing for coaches to remember. Coaches walk a fine line between speaking life into their athletes and holding them to a standard of excellence. Great coaches accomplish this feat. But once the athlete leaves the court, field, etc... is it continued on? For athletes out there, how does what you say impact your teammates? For parents, how does what you say impact your children? (Check out the "10 Commandments for Parents" of athletes HERE). Remember, your attitude towards your athlete's coach, other parents from the team, other players on the team, the referees, or the competition will be directly reflected in your child.
What is considered "unsportsmanlike"?
Yes, this is pretty much a "don't" list, but it's important. We all know how easy it is to become so emotionally invested that we get carried away (this is true for athletes, coaches, and parents/fans). So here are some things to be aware of that do nothing other than reflect poorly on you/your athlete/your team/your sports organization and cause ill-will.
1. Shouting rudely or obnoxiously (on the court or from the stands) at athletes, coaches, or referees.
2. Ripping your athlete from the stands during the middle of play for making a mistake.
3. Yanking your child directly following play because you disagreed with the coaches decision, or pulling your athlete from other responsibilities she/he may have had such as reffing duties because you are unhappy.
4. Approaching your coach (in an aggressive manner or otherwise) following play without setting up a time to have this meeting with a concern or issue you may have.
5. Commenting on the competition - their "rudeness" or what such-and-such player did or said etc. Remember, you can't control what other people do, but you can control your response to it.
Here's your sign...
If you ever find yourself opening with a statement like, "I'm really not the kind of parent who complains, BUT..." or "I respect your decisions as a coach, BUT..." or "I'm not the type of person ________, BUT..." catch yourself! After all, when you open with a statement that essentially contradicts itself, you need to reevaluate your purpose in the discussion.
Cut to the chase
Whenever you do find yourself in a situation where you, as an athlete or parent, need to have a meeting with the coach, remember to approach it in a very understanding and humble manner. A coach ALWAYS has a reason for every decision that is made, and specifically in the sport of volleyball, the variables that could have impacted said decision are essentially endless. Often you will find that a decision was made for a particular reason that you were completely unaware of. Ask the coach what you could do to make certain situations better. Expect honesty, and then accept it. Once the issue is addressed, leave it. Do not go "stir the pot" by whining in the ear of a teammate or other parent to get more people "on your side" in the matter. This is counterproductive for your athlete no matter the situation.
Nip it in the bud
So we end with a problem still on our hands. Alas, sometimes that's just life. Our charge to you is this...
What can you do to become a part of the solution?
If you hear a teammate or other parent/fan complaining, yelling, or otherwise distributing any of the aforementioned signs of unsportsmanlike conduct, respectively pull them to the side. There you can remind them or bring to their attention what it is they were doing and how that not only poorly reflects on them, but on the entire team or sports organization. Oftentimes you can be the voice of reason and cool someone's jets before things boil over.
Remember, the best thing you can ever say to your athlete is, "I so enjoy watching you play. I'm so proud of you!"
We love this game, and want the best for all of our athletes. We promote positive lessons learned on the court that will carry on into adulthood. Remember, it takes a village, and no team has ever had a winning season where division, anger, and selfishness were the frontrunners. Parents, you are the foundation of your athletes and their success on and off the court. Join with coaches in teaching hard work, discipline, focus, determination, flexibility, teamwork, resilience, humility and leadership on the court and off.
Every season, like every situation, is what you make of it. It can work for you or against you, but the choice is yours.
Happy playing!
- Amarillo Juniors
Check out our latest Team of the Week, join in on our contests to win prizes, see live tournament updates!
Over the last few years, it seems, these types of stories have been more widespread, expanding across the country. So that leaves us with one very important question...
Has sportsmanship become a lost art form?
We recently happened across a very interesting column (that we posted on our Facebook page as well) written by columnist Patrick Hite on the newsleader.com website addressing a scary aspect of this very issue; coaches resigning their posts because the unruliness of fans; namely, parents. Read it HERE.
While we read through this we found ourselves nodding our heads in agreement, and recognizing certain stories from right in our own backyard. We know what additional obstacles this problem presents... unruly athletes, young male and female athletes with a lack of discipline, and promotion of the "entitlement generation," to name a few... but how do we combat it?
Sticking our heads in the sand and pretending like something isn't happening has never solved a problem. If you're saying to yourself right now, "Well, I'm not that (athlete) (parent) (sports fan)," we applaud you. However, we're sure you know of one (or two, or three...) that are. Here's a question for those of us who aren't actively expanding the problem... are we actively combating it? It's no secret that parental roles are vital to the success of a team. We have seen teams come apart at the seams because of unhappy parents, and on the other hand have seen teams win national championships at the encouragement and support of them. When your athlete says to you, "My coach plays favorites. That's why I'm only playing front row now," what is your response? Athletes are typically a direct reflection of their home environment and what they are hearing from their individual fans (often, their parents). Is your athlete surrounded by a positive, encouraging, hard-work supporting, "you can do anything you put your mind to"-promoting environment? Or rather, is the environment filled with, "Oh you poor thing, you are mistreated by your coach and other players, you deserve that spot so much more than little Suzy, little Johnny made 14 mistakes and you would've made less than that if given the chance so you deserve the position more than him" mindsets?
We know, this is getting deep.
Like the column said, it is very rare that any coach is ever out to be vindictive against your child. No. Rather, most coaches coach for the sake of the children. It's a low-paying, often thankless job, for those of you who were unaware. Mostly, it is done for the kids. It is done for a love of the game. It is done to educate, encourage, and mold young athletes into responsible, disciplined leaders who take life head-on and do their part to make their environment a better place.
Your words and their impact
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." Now, isn't that just the farthest thing from the truth you've ever heard? Words DO hurt. Words DO have an enormous impact on our athletes. What an important thing for coaches to remember. Coaches walk a fine line between speaking life into their athletes and holding them to a standard of excellence. Great coaches accomplish this feat. But once the athlete leaves the court, field, etc... is it continued on? For athletes out there, how does what you say impact your teammates? For parents, how does what you say impact your children? (Check out the "10 Commandments for Parents" of athletes HERE). Remember, your attitude towards your athlete's coach, other parents from the team, other players on the team, the referees, or the competition will be directly reflected in your child.
What is considered "unsportsmanlike"?
Yes, this is pretty much a "don't" list, but it's important. We all know how easy it is to become so emotionally invested that we get carried away (this is true for athletes, coaches, and parents/fans). So here are some things to be aware of that do nothing other than reflect poorly on you/your athlete/your team/your sports organization and cause ill-will.
1. Shouting rudely or obnoxiously (on the court or from the stands) at athletes, coaches, or referees.
2. Ripping your athlete from the stands during the middle of play for making a mistake.
3. Yanking your child directly following play because you disagreed with the coaches decision, or pulling your athlete from other responsibilities she/he may have had such as reffing duties because you are unhappy.
4. Approaching your coach (in an aggressive manner or otherwise) following play without setting up a time to have this meeting with a concern or issue you may have.
5. Commenting on the competition - their "rudeness" or what such-and-such player did or said etc. Remember, you can't control what other people do, but you can control your response to it.
Here's your sign...
If you ever find yourself opening with a statement like, "I'm really not the kind of parent who complains, BUT..." or "I respect your decisions as a coach, BUT..." or "I'm not the type of person ________, BUT..." catch yourself! After all, when you open with a statement that essentially contradicts itself, you need to reevaluate your purpose in the discussion.
Cut to the chase
Whenever you do find yourself in a situation where you, as an athlete or parent, need to have a meeting with the coach, remember to approach it in a very understanding and humble manner. A coach ALWAYS has a reason for every decision that is made, and specifically in the sport of volleyball, the variables that could have impacted said decision are essentially endless. Often you will find that a decision was made for a particular reason that you were completely unaware of. Ask the coach what you could do to make certain situations better. Expect honesty, and then accept it. Once the issue is addressed, leave it. Do not go "stir the pot" by whining in the ear of a teammate or other parent to get more people "on your side" in the matter. This is counterproductive for your athlete no matter the situation.
Nip it in the bud
So we end with a problem still on our hands. Alas, sometimes that's just life. Our charge to you is this...
What can you do to become a part of the solution?
If you hear a teammate or other parent/fan complaining, yelling, or otherwise distributing any of the aforementioned signs of unsportsmanlike conduct, respectively pull them to the side. There you can remind them or bring to their attention what it is they were doing and how that not only poorly reflects on them, but on the entire team or sports organization. Oftentimes you can be the voice of reason and cool someone's jets before things boil over.
Remember, the best thing you can ever say to your athlete is, "I so enjoy watching you play. I'm so proud of you!"
We love this game, and want the best for all of our athletes. We promote positive lessons learned on the court that will carry on into adulthood. Remember, it takes a village, and no team has ever had a winning season where division, anger, and selfishness were the frontrunners. Parents, you are the foundation of your athletes and their success on and off the court. Join with coaches in teaching hard work, discipline, focus, determination, flexibility, teamwork, resilience, humility and leadership on the court and off.
Every season, like every situation, is what you make of it. It can work for you or against you, but the choice is yours.
Happy playing!
- Amarillo Juniors
Check out our latest Team of the Week, join in on our contests to win prizes, see live tournament updates!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Hit or miss; a "gamer"
Most have heard about or know someone who is considered a "gamer." A "gamer" is the athlete that, during practice and training, does not perform well, but in the face of a game can outplay most of those on the court, somehow morphing into a "stud."
There are many arguments as to whether this is intentional or "just the way a player operates."
So what are coaches faced with when they have this type of player? Their biggest question is, "Can I depend on this player?"
Most coaches determine playing time, positions, and overall team roles based on play during practice. Some coaches even utilize systems such as Gold Medal Squared's "Competitive Cauldron" (explained HERE). In this system, good play in practice is of the utmost priority to the athletes competing against one another.
The hardest part of determining whether a "gamer" is worthy of a more prominent role on a team is deciphering this particular athlete's work ethic. For instance, is the underlying issue that she/he simply does not want to work hard and focus during training and then turns up the heat during competition? If so, this player strikes up a point or two on the untrustworthy scale. A facade like that cannot be sustained forever, and ultimately this type of player will be "out-skilled" by her/his teammates in the long run.
Many coaches have argued, however, that some athletes simply thrive on the adrenaline rush of play; and therefore up the ante, so to speak, during competition. How do coaches combat this? Well, to put it simply, they can design more competition-focused practices.
In most sports, and especially in volleyball, your "gems" are your consistent athletes. These are the players you can trust to put a ball down in a crunch situation, or step back to the service line and serve aggressively without fearing the fact that they are serving on game point.
Coaches, if you are faced with coaching a "gamer" take your time to really evaluate the situation. How does she interact with her teammates during practice? What is her level of hustle? How much fortitude does she have when faced with chaotic drills designed to induce stress? Often, paying specific attention to the athlete's reactions during these situations will give you hints as to what is beneath it all. But take your time in doing this, and try not to jump to conclusions without a thorough investigation.
Players, if you feel like you play better during competition than during practice, you may be in need of a self-evaluation. What is your mental status before you practice? How does that change before the start of a match? How emotionally and physically invested are you in practice vs play? Do you think you thrive in a more competitive environment? What circumstances can you, personally, change to be sure you are benefiting from play AND practice? Have you discussed these issues with your coach? Plan a short sit-down session with your coach for their input on how you can make some changes in the right direction.
Not everything in sports is cut and dry - hence the existence of sports psychologists! However, with some careful evaluation of self or athlete the situation can be molded in a way that benefits both coach, player, and team.
- Amarillo Juniors
Check out our "Team of the Week" on our website! www.amarillojuniors.com
Join the conversation! www.facebook.com/amarillojuniors
Stay in-the-know with live tournament updates! www.twitter.com/amarillojuniors @amarillojuniors
There are many arguments as to whether this is intentional or "just the way a player operates."
So what are coaches faced with when they have this type of player? Their biggest question is, "Can I depend on this player?"
Most coaches determine playing time, positions, and overall team roles based on play during practice. Some coaches even utilize systems such as Gold Medal Squared's "Competitive Cauldron" (explained HERE). In this system, good play in practice is of the utmost priority to the athletes competing against one another.
The hardest part of determining whether a "gamer" is worthy of a more prominent role on a team is deciphering this particular athlete's work ethic. For instance, is the underlying issue that she/he simply does not want to work hard and focus during training and then turns up the heat during competition? If so, this player strikes up a point or two on the untrustworthy scale. A facade like that cannot be sustained forever, and ultimately this type of player will be "out-skilled" by her/his teammates in the long run.
Many coaches have argued, however, that some athletes simply thrive on the adrenaline rush of play; and therefore up the ante, so to speak, during competition. How do coaches combat this? Well, to put it simply, they can design more competition-focused practices.
In most sports, and especially in volleyball, your "gems" are your consistent athletes. These are the players you can trust to put a ball down in a crunch situation, or step back to the service line and serve aggressively without fearing the fact that they are serving on game point.
Coaches, if you are faced with coaching a "gamer" take your time to really evaluate the situation. How does she interact with her teammates during practice? What is her level of hustle? How much fortitude does she have when faced with chaotic drills designed to induce stress? Often, paying specific attention to the athlete's reactions during these situations will give you hints as to what is beneath it all. But take your time in doing this, and try not to jump to conclusions without a thorough investigation.
Players, if you feel like you play better during competition than during practice, you may be in need of a self-evaluation. What is your mental status before you practice? How does that change before the start of a match? How emotionally and physically invested are you in practice vs play? Do you think you thrive in a more competitive environment? What circumstances can you, personally, change to be sure you are benefiting from play AND practice? Have you discussed these issues with your coach? Plan a short sit-down session with your coach for their input on how you can make some changes in the right direction.
Not everything in sports is cut and dry - hence the existence of sports psychologists! However, with some careful evaluation of self or athlete the situation can be molded in a way that benefits both coach, player, and team.
- Amarillo Juniors
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| 13 Royal - LTK - after their 2nd place finish! |
Check out our "Team of the Week" on our website! www.amarillojuniors.com
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