"I love watching you play"

It's no secret that being the parent of an athlete is no easy task. What do I say and when do I say it? Do I instruct or just encourage? How hard do I push and when do I pull back?
Like we said, not easy.
So today we would like to offer YOU, parents, some encouragement. It's not easy, but your roll is the most pivotal in your child's sports career (yes, your role is even more important than the coach!).
Words of Wisdom
As a parent, your words can be the life breath of your child. They portray to your athlete what is in your heart, so we encourage you to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Ultimately, there's no black or white answer regarding when to say what, but like this article says, the words, "I love watching you play" can be the best five words that ever float from your mouth to your child's ears. It establishes the difference between "parent" and "coach." It reassures your child that you are their parent, their support, and their biggest fan.
That same article also references the fact that many athletes who were surveyed said they most enjoyed when their grandparents watched them play. Why is this? Well, typically grandparents are far less invested in the child's performance in athletics. They don't mind if they have a bad game or don't get as much playing time as others, because they are simply there to enjoy watching their grandchild play. Take in every opportunity to just enjoy watching your athlete. As so many parents can attest to, the time flies by. Avoid creating cringe-worthy memories and focus on making memories you'll enjoy journeying back to in the years to come.
A Touch of Tough
What happens, though, when we hit the other end of the spectrum? Instead of parents encouraging their children or pushing their children to learn discipline and other aspects of athletics, a blame shift takes place. Child isn't getting enough playing time? Well by-golly, that coach just doesn't have a clue what they're doing! Another athlete assumes the role your athlete previously had? Are you kidding me? Little Suzy makes an average of 17 mistakes a game! She doesn't deserve that position!
WARNING: Do not fall into those common traps! These traps are 1) upset about playing time 2) blame shifting or 3) discussing other children and their abilities compared to the abilities of your own child... all in front of or even to your child. In this situation, we advise implementing what we call "a touch of tough." Encourage your athlete to focus on her/his role on the team and to apply what the coach instructs. A little toughness can typically go a long way. Remember, your child's feeling are important, but we all know that feelings can be fickle and misleading! Do your best to guide your athlete to make responsible, reasonable conclusions. This will invite them to open up to you in the future as well. It's OK to have a touch of tough when needed. We believe this also equips and prepares your athlete for adversity in arenas both in and out of sports.

A quick note to athletes... it is OK to respectfully discuss with your parents what things you best respond to. If you respond best to a period of silence after a tough loss, let them know this. We think it's safe to say that 100% of the time they have your best interest in mind when they do things like rehash the play-by-play of the match, which ultimately is reliving the pain of the loss for you. Kindly and respectfully let them know how hard this is on you. Or, if you are the type of athlete who would like to discuss things, let them know that to. Make the first move and open up. Transparency and honestly will benefit both you and your parents!

According to this study, an amazing 75% of children quit sports by the age of 13 largely due to the overbearing weight their parents place on them to perform. (Note: Be careful about this! You can do it without realizing it, simply with the words or tone that you use.) Overall, your role as parent greatly affects your child's successes and failures. When they know you've got their back, they'll trust you with their hardships. This goes beyond just the court or the field.
No matter how tempted you may be to comment on certain plays that happened during the match, how your child performed, or decisions made by the coach, until you are invited by your athlete to discuss those topics stick to the five magic words... "I love watching you play."

- Amarillo Juniors


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