"I love watching you play"

It's no secret that being the parent of an athlete is no easy task. What do I say and when do I say it? Do I instruct or just encourage? How hard do I push and when do I pull back?
Like we said, not easy.
So today we would like to offer YOU, parents, some encouragement. It's not easy, but your roll is the most pivotal in your child's sports career (yes, your role is even more important than the coach!).
Words of Wisdom
As a parent, your words can be the life breath of your child. They portray to your athlete what is in your heart, so we encourage you to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Ultimately, there's no black or white answer regarding when to say what, but like this article says, the words, "I love watching you play" can be the best five words that ever float from your mouth to your child's ears. It establishes the difference between "parent" and "coach." It reassures your child that you are their parent, their support, and their biggest fan.
That same article also references the fact that many athletes who were surveyed said they most enjoyed when their grandparents watched them play. Why is this? Well, typically grandparents are far less invested in the child's performance in athletics. They don't mind if they have a bad game or don't get as much playing time as others, because they are simply there to enjoy watching their grandchild play. Take in every opportunity to just enjoy watching your athlete. As so many parents can attest to, the time flies by. Avoid creating cringe-worthy memories and focus on making memories you'll enjoy journeying back to in the years to come.
A Touch of Tough
What happens, though, when we hit the other end of the spectrum? Instead of parents encouraging their children or pushing their children to learn discipline and other aspects of athletics, a blame shift takes place. Child isn't getting enough playing time? Well by-golly, that coach just doesn't have a clue what they're doing! Another athlete assumes the role your athlete previously had? Are you kidding me? Little Suzy makes an average of 17 mistakes a game! She doesn't deserve that position!
WARNING: Do not fall into those common traps! These traps are 1) upset about playing time 2) blame shifting or 3) discussing other children and their abilities compared to the abilities of your own child... all in front of or even to your child. In this situation, we advise implementing what we call "a touch of tough." Encourage your athlete to focus on her/his role on the team and to apply what the coach instructs. A little toughness can typically go a long way. Remember, your child's feeling are important, but we all know that feelings can be fickle and misleading! Do your best to guide your athlete to make responsible, reasonable conclusions. This will invite them to open up to you in the future as well. It's OK to have a touch of tough when needed. We believe this also equips and prepares your athlete for adversity in arenas both in and out of sports.

A quick note to athletes... it is OK to respectfully discuss with your parents what things you best respond to. If you respond best to a period of silence after a tough loss, let them know this. We think it's safe to say that 100% of the time they have your best interest in mind when they do things like rehash the play-by-play of the match, which ultimately is reliving the pain of the loss for you. Kindly and respectfully let them know how hard this is on you. Or, if you are the type of athlete who would like to discuss things, let them know that to. Make the first move and open up. Transparency and honestly will benefit both you and your parents!

According to this study, an amazing 75% of children quit sports by the age of 13 largely due to the overbearing weight their parents place on them to perform. (Note: Be careful about this! You can do it without realizing it, simply with the words or tone that you use.) Overall, your role as parent greatly affects your child's successes and failures. When they know you've got their back, they'll trust you with their hardships. This goes beyond just the court or the field.
No matter how tempted you may be to comment on certain plays that happened during the match, how your child performed, or decisions made by the coach, until you are invited by your athlete to discuss those topics stick to the five magic words... "I love watching you play."

- Amarillo Juniors


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What's my role as the parent of an athlete?

Sometimes, knowing your role as a parent when it comes to your child's sports team is tricky. Do I push her, or am I pushing too hard? Am I teaching her discipline, or am I forcing her to do something she just isn't that interested in? There are a lot of questions.
At Monday night's parent meeting we had Licensed Professional Counselor (and mom of a 12-year-old in our club) LeAnn Sorrels speak to the parent's in attendance about their role. LeAnn, who has 23 years of experience in her field, now has a few years under her belt as the mom of a club volleyball athlete. Between that and her job, she's learned a few things that she shared with the group.
Her acronym: SUPPORT.


S- self-confidence
U- understanding
P- positive visualization
P- parental role
O- optimism
R- respect
T- team

Licensed Family Counselor and mom of an Amarillo Juniors
athlete LeAnn Sorrels talks at Monday's 12s parent meeting.
LeAnn shared what she has learned in her experience as
a parent of an athlete combined with her 23 years of
counseling practice.

Self-confidence is something that every person, at some point in time, has struggled with. On and off the court, learning how to have and maintain confidence is essential to success on all levels. As a parent (trust us, we've all been there!) we know how easy it is to get absolutely absorbed in the game. You feel what your child feels. You yearn to see your child succeed. Overall, though, according to LeAnn, your best bet as a parent is to be your child's biggest cheerleader. Which leads to the "U" - understanding. Be encouraging and help instill self-confidence in them by providing encouraging words before AND after their games, at home, away from home, at school... positive reinforcement, LeAnn says, really is key. After all, most players are hard enough on themselves already!

Positive visualization is something you will hear most life-coach professionals talk about. It's important to see yourself succeeding at whatever you're doing, and that stands true on the volleyball court. Always encourage your child to focus on how they want to perform a task, not on how they didn't perform it well the first time. Help them to imagine where it is they want to be and then guide them in taking steps toward those goals. Coaches call this "next ball mentality" - which is essentially a player's ability to move on from the last play and focus on the play at hand. "Not commenting on what your child is doing well is creating a cognitive path to focus on mistakes not accomplishments," LeAnn said, "instead of a cognitive path to 'I will get this; it will come as I practice and visualize!'"

And next comes parental role. Ahhh parental role. What a fine line walked, eh? According to LeAnn, some of the biggest mistakes a parent can make are:
1. Pushing too hard.
"This stifles the fun of learning and creates a path for them to start beating themselves up if they make mistakes," LeAnn said. "Be sure this is your child's dream, not just yours."
2. Yelling/coaching during the game or between games.
Essentially there are too many chiefs! Your child's eagerness to please both you and her coach can take its toll. Also, she may be getting conflicting messages between you and her coaches, LeAnn said.

How about this one (the glass is half-full!)... optimism! What an important life-tool. Again, this goes back to positive reinforcement. Teach your child to always be optimistic about what she can achieve, and she will likely get there! (Insert parental lesson here: We can all benefit from this! If we talk positively and optimistically to ourselves instead of negatively we are far more likely to succeed.)

Also, be sure that you are respecting the leadership of your child's coach. For any parent out there who has ever coached a sport, you can attest to the fact that it's not easy! LeAnn has learned that you have to trust and respect your coaches' decisions, she said. It's not always easy to understand why your daughter may have a certain role on her team, but it's important to remember that a coach has a reason for everything. Respect the coaches' knowledge of the game and, if necessary, schedule a time to talk more extensively (and calmy) about why certain decisions have been made.

And lastly, team. Every team-sport athlete has to have a "WE is greater than ME" mentality. The bottom line is, all decisions that are made have to best benefit the team, not just the individual. In club sports, parents, too, are members of the team. Obviously, you parents out there play an essential role in helping the coach guide your athlete to success. If you all work toward the same goal together and "play" for one another, not against one another, the season will be successful AND it will be FUN!

Thanks, LeAnn, for sharing your insights with us!

- Amarillo Juniors

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